1 February 2006, Wednesday
from e-mail to my sister about the book and CD she sent me: I Can Make You Thin by Paul McKenna

I've read the first 68 pages and listened to the CD and I like it. It is a good positive image thing that reinforces exactly what I am already doing. It is nice to have validation that what I have been doing works.

Do they have an American version of this book? I think it would be great for my best friend Amy. Otherwise, I will need the answers to at least my first question below for her.

I would like to know how many pounds is one stone? [1 stone = 14 lbs] Also, what size are you? Since our genetics are similar, I believe that you are a good image of what I will look like at my goal. You actually are thinner than I want to be.

My goal is not actually a weight. I want to get to a size 12 as that is the last size I can remember myself being when I was completely happy with my body. I don't know if I want to be any smaller than this.

Back in 2001 I was at a size 16 and just under 200 pounds. I held at this weight and size, never quite reaching my goal for over a year. Had I had the empty sack of flesh cut off I think I would have been at my goal.

I am planning on getting the extra skin cut off when I am down to where I want to be.

Thanks for a good book and CD.

2 February 2006, Thursday

Washing my face is a great time to really look at myself. This morning I noticed that my chin is pointer. I asked Brian about this and he said he had noticed that my dimple was back and that the curve of my bottom has changed. Then he pinched me right were he was talking about. I can’t see that change, but then I do believe that my husband would notice and believe him.

My paper route went really well today. I set a new speed record – two hours! This was even faster than the best I had ever done while tossing papers at porches. Plus, I actually went up nearly every porch and hung the paper up neatly. There are still a few houses and apartments that I toss the paper at. These are the ones with dogs. I have no desire to get bitten.

I have decided not to continue with the Thursday night dance class. I don’t have as much fun at them. This is because there are a lot less people. I like the dances that feel a bit crowded on the dance floor. I don’t feel like people are watching me specifically and can enjoy myself more.

4 February 2006, Saturday

Another week another drop in my weight. This morning’s weight was 286.5, naked as usual. I get a thrill every time I step on the scale and it is below 290. I now weight less fully clothed than I did when I started.

Two weeks in and I’m already down 4.5 pounds based on naked morning weight. I feel that naked morning weight is the only true weight as different clothing has different weight and what is eaten for breakfast is not the same every day. Some days I drink a pint of water with breakfast, other days I drink a pot of tea. Changing to real food has made me feel better and by giving up on "diet" foods I have lost weight.

I’m not going to get to attend the Big Scioty Barn Dance tonight. Brian does not want me driving in the bad weather.

8 February 2006, Wednesday

For the last two days Brian and I have been working in the woodshop finishing a platform for one of my clients. We delivered it to her last night and I was truly impressed. I had thought this thing was way too big. It was so big it took two trips to get it delivered. However, in her garage it is just the right size.

Today I am a bit sore. Lifting and carrying that platform took a lot more out of me than I realized at the time. I am delighted that I had the strength to be able to help Brian move that big bulky heavy platform.

10 February 2006, Friday
from e-mail to my sister about the book and CD she sent me: I Can Make You Thin by Paul McKenna

I am not certain I like parts of it. I don't have the problem of eating too much. I also don't eat for emotional reasons. MY problem is I fall into the habit of not eating. Hopefully, the CD will help me learn how to tell when I am hungry so I will remember to eat. I tend to count food as eaten if I think about it, plan it, or make it - not just when I actually eat it. Brian could tell you so many stories about the magic microwave with complete meals inside of it.

11 February 2006, Saturday

This morning my weight was not as low as last week. I’m at 287.0 naked. I don’t feel bad about not seeing a drop in the scale. I have been doing a lot of very physical things and muscle weighs more than fat. I feel like I am getting thinner.

I am not going to see a drop in my weight every week. I am deliberately not obsessing about what I eat and my weight. I am making changes to the way I live my life. The big rules I have been following are to eat when I am hungry, eat what I really want to eat, and stop eating when I am full.

Sometimes it is the next day that I am writing down what I ate. I have to have Brian help me remember what we had as it is not an all consuming job for me. When I lost all that weight several years ago my weight loss was basically a full time job. I thought about food all the time – what I was going to eat, when I was going to eat next. This time I am focusing on enjoying my food when I do eat. I taste every bite and like what I am eating or I don’t eat it.

My main focus is on enjoying my life. I am joining some new groups to go out and have active fun.

12 February 2006, Sunday

Last night I went over to my friend Sandy’s house. Sandy is a good friend of mine that I had lost touch with back around 1990. I knew she lived in the Columbus area, but I had never found her, as I could not remember how to spell her last name correctly.

This fall I went to a MarCon meeting and heard this voice that sounded familiar. After the meeting was over I went over and asked who she was. When she told me her name I said, "Hi, I’m Tasia and you sewed my SCA wedding dress." Brian and I went out to dinner with her and her son Rick that evening. It was so wonderful to find a long lost friend.

Last night I went over to Sandy’s house. She has the same board game I have that I have never seen anyone else have – Mystery Mansion. We had a great time making up the rules while playing the game. I’ll have to go unpack my copy from the garage and see if I have an actual set of rules some time.

15 February 2006, Wednesday

Last night I went to the Mugmort SCA meeting. This is the group that my friend Sandy told me about. I had a really great time and will be joining this group. I had been a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism years ago but had dropped out when I divorced Cullen. The SCA is actually were I had met Sandy years ago in East Lansing, Michigan.

Today I played in Adobe PhotoShop and worked on designing my device, or heraldic shield, for the SCA. I have made a lot of variations and showed them to Brian to get his input. I’ll be refining what I want to submit over the next week or so. I am hoping to have figured out what I really want by the next Mugmort meeting I attend. I said attend, as I am not going to the meeting next week, as it will be in Lancaster.

17 February 2006, Friday

This morning’s naked weight is up again. I’m at 287.5 and feeling a touch grumpy. I believe that PMS has arrived along with the beginning of the monthly bloat. I am not stepping on the scale again until after I have bled.

19 February 2006, Saturday

Last night was another Big Scioty Barn Dance. I arrived a bit late but still had a great time. They were a bit short of single guys so I ended up dancing with other women a few times. During one dance my friend Christine said she would dance the gent’s part because she is taller than I am. Christine is utterly terrible at dancing the man’s part. I, amazingly, am not that bad at it. It was so much fun and really challenging to dance the gent’s role. All my instincts said to make certain I was on the right side of the couple and as the gent I needed to be on the left side. For the rest of the night I was walking up to other ladies with my index finger across my upper lip like a mustache and asking them to dance. I had a really great time and did not miss any more dances due to not having a partner. I was totally wiped out when the dance ended.

20 February 2006, Monday

Sandy came to my house directly from her work this evening. I showed her my PhotoShop heraldry and then I did up her planned SCA device. I really like what she is submitting.

Next, we were off to a Pampered Chef party. Sandy kidnapped me to my first one in November. This time I was driving her to one. We had a great time and I got to put faces to some people I knew from an online social group.

Now that I am home I am thinking the pan I ordered is way too big. I’ll need to change my order. I think I’ll call Sandy and see if she wants that double griddle she was drooling over. Since it is the same price there would be no need to change payments and Sandy can pay me back later.

22 February 2006, Wednesday

I feel like wearing a skirt today that I have not been brave enough to put on in a long time. This is a really nice red and green on black plaid skirt that I had shortened from ankle length to around knee length. The last time I had worn this skit it was darn tight on my waist and I felt really fat when I wore it. I had hid it in the back of my closet and tried to forget about it.

Taking a dose of courage I pulled my favorite plaid skirt from my closet. I undid the waist button and zipper. Pulling it on over my head it easily slid over my breasts. OK so far. The real challenge will be buttoning the waistband.

I positioned the button centered in the front for ease of buttoning. When I pulled the waist closed I gasped. It was easily closing! I could even overlap it several inches without the elastic potion of the waistband expanding. I buttoned it up with a smile on my face. The zipper zipped with ease and I was able to spin the closure to my left hip were it belonged without it pulling on my skin. My skirt fits! It even fits a bit loose. I tucked my shirt into the skirt and it still did not feel like it was binding on my waist.

Since this is the winter I decided that putting on thermal leggings would be a good idea and warmer than tights. The skirt still fits even with warm thick pants under it.

This is a definitely sign that I am really moving toward my goal. My clothing is looser on my body and something I could not wear for ages I can wear again.

23 February 2006, Thursday

Today I tried on a size 20-22 skintight camisole. Well, it was supposed to be skintight. It was actually extremely loose on me. I could tuck both arms inside the built in bra. There is no way this camisole is going to work – it is just too darn big! I am joyfully sending it on to someone else.

I pulled a size 18 knit camisole from my closet I had not worn in a while and tried it on. It fits loosely, but not so loose as to be ridiculous. This has been washed many times and may have actually shrunk some. I have definitely shrunk at least a size, possibly two on the top half already. I think I need to measure myself again soon.

26 February 2006, Sunday

I deliberately burnt cheese again. I love the taste of cheese I have overcooked to the point where it burns in the microwave. I cut a nice amount of cheese and then tear it into pieces. These are arranged around the rim of a plate and I pop it into the microwave. Four or five minutes later I have wonderful crunch burnt cheese for breakfast. The only problem is I need to wait for it to cool enough to eat without burning my mouth. It should be cool by now.

26 February 2006, Sunday evening

I am tired and sore this evening. I have been dancing for days at the Columbus Folk Dance Weekend. I had a great time. I danced many dances I had never danced before and met some really nice people.

I think one of my favorite dances is the New Parliament Jig. We danced it first on Saturday and again on Sunday. This dance is just plain hilarious. Everyone trading places and vying to be Prime Minister, avoiding or seeking the Moderates or Radicals spots. Everyone laughed while we were dancing it both days.